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He met you in a seedy club in the red light district of whatever city he was in for that night (they all tended to look the same after a while).  You were sitting on a bar stool, kicking your feet every once and awhile, and you looked completely out of place amongst the bimbos and the prostitutes that frequented this place. It would be hard to get into your pants. Too hard, most drunk, horny guys would say.

But Alfred F. Jones always liked a challenge.

He walked over, every other guy moving out of the way as soon as they saw him coming. They knew the alpha male when they saw him. Sliding onto the stool beside you, he glanced over at what you were drinking, and was surprised and slightly disgusted when he saw a glass of what looked like regular Coca-Cola in front of you.

“You even know what’s in that stuff, doll?” he said with a slight smirk, glancing condescendingly at the offending drink in front of you.

You scoffed, rolling your eyes and taking a sip of the caffeinated drink in front of you. “That’s the shitiest pick up line I’ve heard all night, and I’ve heard some really bad ones.”

Alfred’s eyebrows rose slightly, completely unused to snarky responses. “Well then. What crawled up your ass and died?”

“Satan, obviously. Can’t you tell?”

And there is was again. The snark. It was getting really old, really fast. “So what’s a babe like you doin’ in a place like this?”

“Just adoring all of the wonderful attention I’ve been getting from drunken bastards like you,” you said. This response was so full of sarcasm, Alfred was a tad surprised that the entire club hadn’t drowned in it.

A few girls, drunker than most of the other clubbers, each supporting one another, called out in slurred voices “Heyyyyyy ______! You got yourself a hunk there!”

The crabby woman rolled her eyes and downed the rest of her chemically altered scientific creation that wasn’t fit for human consumption (at least in his opinion) before standing up. “Duty calls. Nice talking to ya, now go die in a hole.” And with a sarcastic salute, she walked over to her friends and disappeared into the swarm of dancers.

Perhaps this would be a bit more challenging than he had originally anticipated.


He stayed in that city for a bit longer than anticipated, hoping to get another glimpse at the strange, angry girl who managed to piss him off but yet also seemed to be on his mind all of the time. No one had ever dared speak to him like that before, but yet this woman seemed to think that is was perfectly okay to sass him whenever you felt like it.

After a few weeks, you reappeared, on the same barstool, drinking the same mixture of chemicals, the same unamused scowl on her face. He made his way over to her, and sat down again. You glanced over, and when you saw it was Alfred, you scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“No, I won’t have sex with you if you buy me a drink, so don’t even bother asking,” you growled, and Alfred grinned, showing off his missing tooth.

“I wouldn’t even offer to buy you that disgusting mixture of chemicals anyways. It’s like you’re drinking a fuckin’ cigarette.” Alfred retorted, taking a gulp of a water bottle he brought from home (tap water had just as many chemicals as the concoction you were drinking, in his opinion).

“Stop being an over dramatic little bitch. I don’t need a life lecture because I’m drinking a soda instead of a beer or some other girly alcoholic drink, Captain Water Bottle.”

Alfred’s temper was slowly climbing, but he tried to keep it in check. The last thing he needed was another murder charge the government had to pardon him on… They were still pretty pissed at him about the last time.

“Name’s Alfred, doll. Call me Al.” he said.

“I’ll call you whatever I want to, Fluffy.” You said with a smirk that told him that you knew that you were playing with fire. You just didn’t care. His hand automatically reached for his custom made Louisville Slugger bat with a couple dozen nails hammered into the barrel, but he stopped himself. This girl was amusing, it would be a shame to lose that.

“Whatever, doll, whatever.”

“Don’t call me that,” you growled, hand tightening on the glass in front of you. So now he knew how to get under your skin. Wonderful.

“I’ll call you whatever I want to, doll,” Alfred said, repeating the words you had said moments before.

Standing up, you emptied the dregs of your Coke on the top of his head, the murky liquid flattening his cowlick for a moment before it resumed defying gravity. That was it. The line had been crossed. No one, no one, did that and lived.

With a ferocious growl, Alfred grabbed his bat and swung it at your head, only to have you step closer and thrust your forearm out, stopping the bat in its tracks, your expression remaining cool and detached from the situation.

And goddamn his mind, but he couldn’t help but think about just how close you were to him.

“Just kiss her already, dude!” a drunk called out from the sea of people watching the spectacle occur, but before Alfred could react, you were gone.

And so the game continued.


A few nights later in the same club, the same spot, the same scowl, the same drink, and the same you, Alfred sat down again.

“You fucked up real bad, doll. You’re lucky you dodged that so quick, I would have killed you,” he said, not even looking at you. You stared straight ahead, as usual, swirling the ice in the glass with a paper umbrella.

“Luck had nothing to do with it,” you said after a few minutes. “I take karate to deal with people like you.”

“People like me, doll?” Alfred prompted.

“Yeah, people like you. Handsome jerks who think they’re the best at everything and can have any woman they want. I know your type.”

“But you don’t know me, doll. There’s the difference.”

With an annoyed growl, you spun your bar stool around to face him, grabbed his shirt, and dragged him into a fierce kiss. A split second later, you broke the kiss, stood up, and disappeared into the crowd.

To Alfred, the game had only just begun. And it would be great.
Wow. What the crap, brain?

This isn't very I apologize. (No, this is not me looking for attention. This is me actually apologizing for the lack of effort that went into this story)

I only own the plot.
Add a Comment:
ladyblackbird13 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2016
OH FUCK YEAH!!!! I like being this badass!
yoloheyo Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2015
I'm a boss ass bitch
galaxysnowleopard Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Badass beotch
LuciferMoriarty Featured By Owner May 20, 2015
I'm such a badass!
AmiriteXD Featured By Owner May 19, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Reader-chan is very badass!
crossoversaremylife Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Most people aren't sure of what they really want in life. I received this letter

from a friend on the computer, did what it told me to, and within a week,

everything I had wished came true!! Here's an exact copy,




1. To yourself, say the name of the only guy or girl you wanna be with 3


2. Think of something you wanna accomplish within the next week and say

it to your self 6 times!!

3. If you had 1 wish what would it be? say it to yourself 9 times!!!

4. Think of something that you want to happen between you and that

1special person and say it to your self 12 times!!!

5. Now, heres the hard part! Pick only 1 of these wishes and as you scroll

down focus and concentrate on it and think on nothing else but that wish.

* *

* *

* *

Now make one last & final wish about that one wish that you picked.

After reading this, you have 1 hour to send it out to 15 people, and what

you wished for will come true within in one week!

u only get one chance!!!!! Now scroll down and think of your



Did you think of your crush? I hope so, that was your last chance. Now

pay very close attention this important message!

Sorry but once read, must be sent. Yes, this is one of those kinda chain
letters that everyone hates. This one has been going since 1864 and if you
break this chain, you will pay!!!!!! Remember that after hearing these

First Example:

Take Barbra Wallace.. She was a pretty lucky girl, up till she got this same
chain letter. She had a crush on the same kid since kindergarden. when she
got this mail she didn't pay any attention to it. She just thought, no big deal.
And deleted it. The next day her dad got fired and her mom dies in a car
crash. If she would have sent the letter none of that would have happened
and her mom would be alive.

Second Example:

Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average nerd. Had glasses, was
short and chubby, was in gifted. All the signs of
your total dork. He also received this letter and sent it to 51
people in the hour. Now, like Barbra, he had a crush on a girl since 3rd
grade. The next day after sending the chain the girl confessed her love for
him ever since 3rd grade. Freddie D. finally had the courage to ask her out,
and of course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years. They grew up
and married each other to live happily forever.

Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i'd rather
be, but thats up to you. I wouldn't wanna end up like Barbra but thats only

me. We all want what we cant have but now's ur chance to go out withthat

special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it. If you send this to-

1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love life..... forever!!!!!

10 people- your crush will say they like you as a friend...... ONLY!!!!!

15 people- your crush will say they like you

20 people- your crush will ask you out!

25 people- your crush will kiss you!!

30 people - Your crush will have sex with you

35 people or more- All of the above!!

Don't blow it, it's ur chance to shine! Have everything u wanted, and more!

Now, complaining cus u dont have any
friends. Well theres an answer 4 everything. It's simple, just go in a chat

room, pick some names and send away! but here's the catch..... you only

have 1 hour
if the pain goes on im not gonna make it...!
Itzcc Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2015
Why does every fucking chainmail have to do with love? Why do people always care about love more than good friends?

I'm very sure Admin doesn't fucking appreciate you spamming her comments with a nasty chain mail, so I ask you kindly to stop.
WuerdGirl Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2015  Student General Artist
You do realize that this is fake right? I've seen this like, 15 times or more millions of times and lived. I saw this yesterday, and BAM! here I am~. And, no, this chain mail poop is not giving you pain. If you do feel pain from this, it is purely physiological (imagined). Good day.   
karmasluck Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015  Student General Artist
This is offensive and just chainmail.
It ruins the story....
hjthjthjt Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2015
I'm a bit chubby, short, and in gifted so that was a bit offensive. My life is fine as it is so thank you but no thank you. And if you think that this is helping someone and that it is really true, aren't you condemning many people to some things worse than death? Isn't that really unethical? You are forcing anyone who reads this without wanting to a fate they can only have nightmares about, like me, if my life ends tomorrow, whether it be accidental or otherwise, because I didn't respond, am I to blame? Or are you? Think about it.
WuerdGirl Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2015  Student General Artist
I agree. I like my life.
SabakuNoIno Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
i feel like such a tsundere xD
Sakai-ichiban-otaku Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2014  Student Artist
This is so fucking great! How can you even write something like this? WHHYYYYY I AM SO JELLY OF UUUUU
Anne-who Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2014
Damn this is good!
PokemonLover332 Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
I think this story was good. It there a part two...
CompyCat Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014
I like this. I like this a lot. And I love your icon. :)
Lightneko1377 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014
“I’ll call you whatever I want to, Fluffy.”

i immediately thought of Sesshomau I am a dummy!      The story was great!
Konnichiwa-Aki Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2014
I've actually called someone Fluffy to mess with someone! 
Hyo38 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
part 2?
EnterHetaliaNameHere Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
vues1 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Student Photographer
OMG! I loved it!! XD u did a vedy good job!! 😱😁
BlackjackMonster Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2014
Faustita Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2014
BAD ASS <3 <3 <3 <3
canadatheninja Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I loved this XD its friken fantastic im such a smartass XD :iconangry2pamericaplz:
Aeon-Caliburn Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2013
Captin water bottle, fluffy? I love it! I laughed so hard my teacher thought I was crazy.
GamzeenMakaral Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is so muh like that song troublemaker that I fell in love with after watching the 2p!alfred amv. It's so bootiful
moriartyssniper Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013
I've never heard of that song before. Is it good?
GamzeenMakaral Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, you should listen to it
moriartyssniper Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2013
I'll look it up!
MistDream454 Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2013
Trobkemaker by Olly Murs >:3 the theme in of this one shot >:3
Creampuff-sky Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
True, true!
moriartyssniper Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2013
Oh, I'll check it out!
musicalraz Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You should make a second part
moriartyssniper Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013
There is a second and a third part already. Temporary Bliss and The High Road.
musicalraz Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ohhh ok thanks
moriartyssniper Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2013
No problem!
musicalraz Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Profile192115 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2013
I love the story, but every time it talks about the drink you're drinking, I'm like "No! I don't drink that stufffffff" because I can proudly say, I have never had pop before, so I kind of agree with Al, but my opinion is only based on what the stuff looks like so yeah.......
moriartyssniper Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013
What is this "pop" you speak of? I only know of soda...
Profile192115 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013
Canadia term, sorry, like, soda pop, but we cut it to pop, it's basically our word for Pepsi and coke or whatever, I don't know that many's almost like ice tea for us and for you, (under the assumption that you're American)
moriartyssniper Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013
Yeah...we cut it to soda where I'm from (Maine: The State So Close To Canada, It Practically Is). I lived in the midwest for awhile and they called it pop, but I never stopped calling it soda.

I don't drink much soda either (my mom is a bit of a health nut), but I like hot tea Irish style (with milk and sugar). That is not another stereotype, that's what my mom calls it.
Profile192115 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2013
I like tea ^-^ I drink it all the time
moriartyssniper Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013
Have you heard of fandom tea?
Profile192115 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013
No........but I am suddenly interested in it
moriartyssniper Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013
It's tea...based on fandoms. Different blends for each character/concept. It's really cool.
(1 Reply)
Queen-of-the-Pride Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013
I love how you write 2p!America. This is exactly how I imagine him to act.

moriartyssniper Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013
I'm so glad! I don't think he's a complete homicidal sociopath, but I do think that he has very violent tendancies, and I try to keep that in balance with the fact that he is a human being (kinda) with feelings too.
Queen-of-the-Pride Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2013
Yea, like I'm always disappointed to read a story where he's like crazy and doesn't have feelings for no reason. I mean, if you have a reason that makes sense then by all means go ahead but even with people with disorders and stuff there's usually a lot of fillings involved
moriartyssniper Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2013
Just because they have a different personality doesn't mean they're monsters...
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